Bathed in the darkness of her loneliness

She bathed in the darkness of her loneliness. She learned this little trick, if you will, that if she just pretended that she wasn't really experiencing her surroundings she would be alone, in a darkness that she had created. It had many hues of black and she believed she had created a masterpiece. Any time she felt like something scary or bad was going to happen to her she immediately went into that darkness that she alone created. She needed it to be dark enough so she could not see what was going on around her. But she also need bits of tiny, twinkling lights, letting her know she would be safe as long as she was there. She spent most of her childhood in the darkness she had created. That was the only place she truly felt safe. And whatever was going on around her physically, she wasn't able to see because she was in the safest place in the world. The darkness. She has never spoke of this darkness before, because it was a secret that she kept that she believes saved herself up to this point in life. She has become so comfortable in the dark but she understands she can no longer live in her darkness. She must be brave. She must be strong. She must act like the warrior she knows she is, deep down inside. The light frightens her. Life frightens her. She spent so many years creating a perfectly safe space. One that no one knew about and one that she trusted with her life. And now she knows she must do one of the most terrifying things still left to do in her life. LIVE! She has to learn to live. She has to give life a chance to prove her wrong. She has to be open to others to allow them to show her that they can be trusted and that she can learn to trust herself. She must be bold, brave, and walk out from that darkness and close that door behind her. That beautiful, dark place that kept her alive for so many years. I don't know that she is ready to shut that door completely. I think it might remain just barely open for awhile more. Until she gets her bearings. And learns that it is okay to be herself. Even if no one likes her. Even if everyone judges her. It's still okay for her to be her. She knows deep down she has gifts that are not shared by many in this world. She knows she has intuitions that very few people have. And her greatest gift to this world is her heart and her compassion and empathy for others around her. She doesn't have anything to her name. But she hopes the small and simple things she does will somehow make this world a little bit better than when she came into it. If she could, she would take all of mankind's suffering away just so she wouldn't have to walk around each day and see it in someones eyes, or feel it in her heart. The gifts she has are wonderful and terrible at the same time. But either way, it doesn't really matter. She has them. And she chooses to use them for good. Until her last breath she will choose to help others and she will continuing to make that promise to herself that she will start bathing in the light, instead of the darkness.