Did my life.....

Sometimes the people that are most afraid are the ones who have the greatest strength inside. Being afraid and doing it anyway makes you a warrior. How many of us are "too scared" to....you fill in the blank. I left a place I was not happy living. I packed up everything that fit in my Ford Focus (which is a pretty small car) I put what I could on the rooftop and off I went. No job, very little money (like only a few hundred dollars in my savings) and absolutely no place to call home. (I did have family to live with until I secured my own space). I left a great paying job, with excellent benefits and I struggled with my decision to just up and leave so that I could go back to what I call "home". This is the most unlike anything I had ever done before. I am the "responsible" one. I play my life safe. Even if I hate my life, I am always scared to get out of a place that doesn't bring me any happiness at all. For a year I stewed over this decision. What would I look like if I just up and left without hardly anything at all? Part of me was excited for an adventure I had always been to scared to do. The other part of me was terrified. What would my kids do without such great insurance? What would I do without insurance? What would I do if I couldn't find a job, or a place to live. Question after question kept ruminating around in my head. But...what if....what if everything I have ever dreamt of is waiting on the other side of all of my fears? What if? So I took the leap (and it was fucking scary). I had never driven alone across states. I had never stayed in a hotel alone. I had never eaten in a restaurant alone. And now all of a sudden all I had was me and what was in my car. I literally did not have anything else. I remember thinking so many times if I had made a mistake. And the last few months have been a lot harder than I ever dreamt they would be. I haven't had a paycheck in almost three months. I haven't had a job in almost three months (but I do start one next week....whoop) and I just barely hammered down my very own space. It is quiet, it is tiny and it is oh so charming. I love my new little life that I am creating. I'm grateful I took the leap, even though there are many things I have still to do. When you move states you move your entire life. I'm still working on not allowing my fears to get the better of me. If you can believe this, I'm almost 49 and I have NEVER lived by myself (crazy, right)! So many new experiences. So many scary experiences. But at least I'm taking chances. One of my biggest goals in life (before I leave for good) is to not be afraid of anything. I want to look ever single fear square in the eye and defeat it, so I will know that I am a warrior. I'm not playing life safe anymore. I'm learning to live life on MY terms, not life's terms, and certainly not society's terms. I know years down the road I will look back on this and say to myself "that was one gutsy, and maybe a little crazy move you made" but it is all worth it because look at your life now. Some days I have to REALLY try hard to remember that I can change my story anytime I want. I can go wherever I want to go, I can live wherever I want to live, I can create new passions that bring me joy and happiness. If I can do what I just did a few months ago I can pretty much do anything. I don't want to end my life knowing my life lived me and I didn't live my life. That would be one of the saddest things to me. And I'm going to make sure that doesn't ever happen again.